Wow, so 5 finals down, 1 to go.... The reality of the end is ever increasing as I prepare for this last test of retainment in my Ephesians class tomorrow. It's crazy to think that in just a week I will be heading home. I'm excited for the break and ever growingly anxious to see what God is going to do with my life this summer. ....
You know, this is not what I had intended on writing when I sat down to pen this blog... But God is just impressing on my heart so much the truth that no matter how much pain it takes to learn what He has for you, it is always worth it...
I sit here, pondering the hardships of last semest, the trials of this and even on into my past beyond.... But it it is something like what Brenton taught me last semester... God was faithful throughout every tear, every hurt, every time I felt betrayed or lonely. If nothing else I have learned the faithfulness of God... But there is so much more...
Last semester with Patrick, I had to learn that it is so easy and so leathal to let friends become idols in my life. I had to learn what it truely meant to have my Jesus as my one and only... I had to learn the reality of what that looks like...
Further I had this semester, to learn so much about not being a kid anymore. I cannot afford to selfishly assign responsibility in a dispute to anyone... I am the bond slave of God, and I have no right to claim, no pride to own. My life exists for the glory of my Father and there simple is no room to allow disunity, as I mentioned in my other post. Further, I am called to be the peace maker...
Lessons like these took a broken heart to learn... It's unfortunately the way that God has to teach me for things to get through.
But my exhortation to ya'll is to simply reflect on this year, perhaps the past few, think of the hardest times that you have know and seek out that which God had to teach you through it.
So long my friends...
With love...
Because of His grace-
-Dave
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Nearing the end... whats goin on
Well, the semester is ever growing to a close... As every time, it seems to have gone so fast. It's kinda crazy, looking out across the tables of the coffee shop at the faces that will soon be gone for good... Every time this seems so different... First semester I could barely take the goodbyes, I was wrecked for so long... Second semester, I suppose I had become more used to it, and I understood that it didn't always have to be the end. Now this semester's end draws nigh, and my emotion is, well something else... Sure there is the sadness, knowing that there is no one else to get away with anything on the excuse of 'I'm Calvin White!' There won't be the faces of so many of the 2 semesters I've come to know as they head away to extensions, nor the thirds that are heading out to Colorado, san Francisco and Italy.
So as everything is ending, I’m left considering that which I have learned, or have I really? There have been so many different things that I feel that God has been trying to show me this semester… The problem is, I am weak, I fail. The first among these things was that I need to learn to fall in love with my God. Jon Done said in Hebrews class that, “When you are passionately in love with someone, you cannot go two minutes into a conversation with an individual without that person coming up.” I was so convicted… How long does it take us to talk about the one who we claim as our father, our best friend and our Lord when we are in conversation? It doesn’t mean we are some socially retarded fanatic, but we need to decide what this faith which is supposed to and has every reason to be the most important thing in our lives is really worth. Someone once said that, “Until you find something worth dying for, you aren’t really living.” So the question that I poise to you is this… Do you…do I… Live our lives for God as if He is worth dying for? I could go my whole life without hearing another person tell me that they would die for their faith. Because if you won’t live for it then your death won’t mean a thing anyway… Just ponder it, we all need to spend time meditating on what we really live our lives like…
-Til next time…
Because of His Grace-
-Dave
So as everything is ending, I’m left considering that which I have learned, or have I really? There have been so many different things that I feel that God has been trying to show me this semester… The problem is, I am weak, I fail. The first among these things was that I need to learn to fall in love with my God. Jon Done said in Hebrews class that, “When you are passionately in love with someone, you cannot go two minutes into a conversation with an individual without that person coming up.” I was so convicted… How long does it take us to talk about the one who we claim as our father, our best friend and our Lord when we are in conversation? It doesn’t mean we are some socially retarded fanatic, but we need to decide what this faith which is supposed to and has every reason to be the most important thing in our lives is really worth. Someone once said that, “Until you find something worth dying for, you aren’t really living.” So the question that I poise to you is this… Do you…do I… Live our lives for God as if He is worth dying for? I could go my whole life without hearing another person tell me that they would die for their faith. Because if you won’t live for it then your death won’t mean a thing anyway… Just ponder it, we all need to spend time meditating on what we really live our lives like…
-Til next time…
Because of His Grace-
-Dave
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Saturday, April 5, 2008
So ya.. It took more than a day... Whateva... But ya... what God taught methis trip.... As I sit in the Guard shack this saturday night Ihave actually had a lot more time to consider this.
Above all else I must say that God has begun to teach me about unity. Jonathan and I spoke before the trip about how important unity would be. We talked about how we both knew that the enemy would try to tear us apart; and over the course of this trip, I definately saw this.... Each day of the trip something came up between us, but was quickly overcome as we would talk it out. However, as God showed me more about what unity demanded, the enemy fought harder. On thursday night and friday morning, God was burdening my heart so much with the fact that, I cannot really be at unity with my brothers and sisters if I am not willing to at least be vulnerable to those who I claim to be the closest to. This thought terrified me as I understood exatly that which it entailed... I would have to come to the place where I could lay my life out and be trasparent to my brother, with things about my past that none have ever known.
This notion made me sick as I realized there are so many things that my own family, even Patrick, the closest brother I have ever known knows about me. But the Lord stopped me there and asked if I was willing to grasp unity at all personal cost... I told Him yes and that I would give all for that which He is commanding me.
So the next morning, I sent Jonathan a message, telling him that when we have time we need to talk about something very important. It was said and there was no turning back... Or was there? As soon as I took the step, the enemy came in at full attack. To make a long story short, the message never got there, and this fact sparked a number of events that all but ended Jon and my friendship completely.
Let's leave this here and talk about the rest of this trip as this situation has yet to be fully handled....
So what else? Well The first major thing that happened at the MTC at BYU was a talk with this lovely old LDS woman named Roberta. We talked with her for over an hour for certain probably an hour and a half, and my heart broke for her... And honestly for all mormons. Now this was soooo amazing because, since the beginning of last semester.. I have longed for God to give me a genuine brokeness for the lost... I know what that is like now. At that moment I began to understand why I will never win a sould for the kingdom of my Lord unless I love them first.
The next lesson I learned was the morning after this in devotions. Eric got up and taught on John 14: 22 - 32. This devotional changed my life... Because, as I said in my last blog... I have been depressed this entire semester because of things with Pat... But through this devotion, God freed me almost immediately. Basically... I might type up a study on this later, but here I'll summarize portions of it...
The disciples were in the boat that Jesus had confined them to and they were in the midst of the sea of galilee. Here the storm comes... The waves are thrashing the boat the disciples are in and in many respects threatening their lives. Now here we need to note something about the source of the waves. Verse 24 says "...battered by the waves; for the wind was contrary." The wind is Satan, our adversary, acting contrary to the mission that Jesus had called them to, which was to cross over.
So focusing in on the main issue, the waves are the trial that the disciples are in the midst of. Jesus comes to them walking on the waves. The waves didn't phase Him or threaten Him. They were simply padding for Him to walk on... But there is more to it than that... Jesus is right with us in that trial... and like He says in verse 27, " Take courage it is I don't be afraid."
So here we are as the disciples are, at a point in the trial where we can hide in our comfort zone, or step out in faith and put everything on the line to see what Jesus will do in this situation that He has already told us not to fear....
Peter asked the Lord to call him out to Him on the water. Once he saw that stepping out was the Lord's will, and not merely his own striving, he stepped out of the boat. And he walked on water! He was walking on the trials that were threatening his life.
Now lets take a look t this decision for a moment. Peter was a fisherman, he had been one his whole life, and the boat, was his comfort zone. This boat protected him from the very waves that threatened his life and he had been educated not to abandon this boat. Jesus couldn't teach him what He had to teach him in his comfort zone. So He called him out.
Now Peter, being obedient came out of the boat, and as I said before got to enjoy the experience of walking in victory over his trials. This is how God meant for the christian life to be! Walking in victory! But what happened at this point? Satan turned up the heat! The wind was blowing and Peter saw the adversary that caused the threat to his life and let his focus slip from Christ. (Vs 30)
As his focus drifted, he began to sink, but he cried for the Lord to save him. Now this is such an amazing encouragment.. Jesus immediately took hold of him. He is RIGHT THERE! He is there on a moments notice to helps us when we fall. Hebrews 13:5 says that He will never leave us nor forsake us... He is at my side and He is at yours in every trial, He's there right now...
This fact begs the question that Jesus asks next... "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"
We have no reason to doubt... Though there definatly will be times when we do... Then Jesus went with him back to the boat. Jesus wants to be with us in the calm and the storms... And once we go through, not around the trial, we often will get the chance to have sweet fellowship with Him in the calm....
But ya... that made such a difference to me.... I know that Jesus wants me to walk in victory over the pain and heartache that I let devour me with Patrick... And even in writing this... I recognize that even things with Jonathan match this situation so perfectly.
God took me out of the omfort zone I had at Bible college and in the midst of spiritual warfare, where I could choose to leave my boat in a step of faith and become vulnerable... And I did.. I chose to, but the wind pcked up and caught my attention...and I sunk.... Because I doubted and I took my focus off of Christ....
This is how unfortunately I often must learn.... but the point is that I learn... Now my beloved... I am going to bid adue.. I will write the rest of the lessons that this trip to Utah taught me soon... until then... Walk in His grace!
-Because of His grace-
-Dave-
Above all else I must say that God has begun to teach me about unity. Jonathan and I spoke before the trip about how important unity would be. We talked about how we both knew that the enemy would try to tear us apart; and over the course of this trip, I definately saw this.... Each day of the trip something came up between us, but was quickly overcome as we would talk it out. However, as God showed me more about what unity demanded, the enemy fought harder. On thursday night and friday morning, God was burdening my heart so much with the fact that, I cannot really be at unity with my brothers and sisters if I am not willing to at least be vulnerable to those who I claim to be the closest to. This thought terrified me as I understood exatly that which it entailed... I would have to come to the place where I could lay my life out and be trasparent to my brother, with things about my past that none have ever known.
This notion made me sick as I realized there are so many things that my own family, even Patrick, the closest brother I have ever known knows about me. But the Lord stopped me there and asked if I was willing to grasp unity at all personal cost... I told Him yes and that I would give all for that which He is commanding me.
So the next morning, I sent Jonathan a message, telling him that when we have time we need to talk about something very important. It was said and there was no turning back... Or was there? As soon as I took the step, the enemy came in at full attack. To make a long story short, the message never got there, and this fact sparked a number of events that all but ended Jon and my friendship completely.
Let's leave this here and talk about the rest of this trip as this situation has yet to be fully handled....
So what else? Well The first major thing that happened at the MTC at BYU was a talk with this lovely old LDS woman named Roberta. We talked with her for over an hour for certain probably an hour and a half, and my heart broke for her... And honestly for all mormons. Now this was soooo amazing because, since the beginning of last semester.. I have longed for God to give me a genuine brokeness for the lost... I know what that is like now. At that moment I began to understand why I will never win a sould for the kingdom of my Lord unless I love them first.
The next lesson I learned was the morning after this in devotions. Eric got up and taught on John 14: 22 - 32. This devotional changed my life... Because, as I said in my last blog... I have been depressed this entire semester because of things with Pat... But through this devotion, God freed me almost immediately. Basically... I might type up a study on this later, but here I'll summarize portions of it...
The disciples were in the boat that Jesus had confined them to and they were in the midst of the sea of galilee. Here the storm comes... The waves are thrashing the boat the disciples are in and in many respects threatening their lives. Now here we need to note something about the source of the waves. Verse 24 says "...battered by the waves; for the wind was contrary." The wind is Satan, our adversary, acting contrary to the mission that Jesus had called them to, which was to cross over.
So focusing in on the main issue, the waves are the trial that the disciples are in the midst of. Jesus comes to them walking on the waves. The waves didn't phase Him or threaten Him. They were simply padding for Him to walk on... But there is more to it than that... Jesus is right with us in that trial... and like He says in verse 27, " Take courage it is I don't be afraid."
So here we are as the disciples are, at a point in the trial where we can hide in our comfort zone, or step out in faith and put everything on the line to see what Jesus will do in this situation that He has already told us not to fear....
Peter asked the Lord to call him out to Him on the water. Once he saw that stepping out was the Lord's will, and not merely his own striving, he stepped out of the boat. And he walked on water! He was walking on the trials that were threatening his life.
Now lets take a look t this decision for a moment. Peter was a fisherman, he had been one his whole life, and the boat, was his comfort zone. This boat protected him from the very waves that threatened his life and he had been educated not to abandon this boat. Jesus couldn't teach him what He had to teach him in his comfort zone. So He called him out.
Now Peter, being obedient came out of the boat, and as I said before got to enjoy the experience of walking in victory over his trials. This is how God meant for the christian life to be! Walking in victory! But what happened at this point? Satan turned up the heat! The wind was blowing and Peter saw the adversary that caused the threat to his life and let his focus slip from Christ. (Vs 30)
As his focus drifted, he began to sink, but he cried for the Lord to save him. Now this is such an amazing encouragment.. Jesus immediately took hold of him. He is RIGHT THERE! He is there on a moments notice to helps us when we fall. Hebrews 13:5 says that He will never leave us nor forsake us... He is at my side and He is at yours in every trial, He's there right now...
This fact begs the question that Jesus asks next... "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"
We have no reason to doubt... Though there definatly will be times when we do... Then Jesus went with him back to the boat. Jesus wants to be with us in the calm and the storms... And once we go through, not around the trial, we often will get the chance to have sweet fellowship with Him in the calm....
But ya... that made such a difference to me.... I know that Jesus wants me to walk in victory over the pain and heartache that I let devour me with Patrick... And even in writing this... I recognize that even things with Jonathan match this situation so perfectly.
God took me out of the omfort zone I had at Bible college and in the midst of spiritual warfare, where I could choose to leave my boat in a step of faith and become vulnerable... And I did.. I chose to, but the wind pcked up and caught my attention...and I sunk.... Because I doubted and I took my focus off of Christ....
This is how unfortunately I often must learn.... but the point is that I learn... Now my beloved... I am going to bid adue.. I will write the rest of the lessons that this trip to Utah taught me soon... until then... Walk in His grace!
-Because of His grace-
-Dave-
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Where I'm at......
Well hello to my brothers and sisters, my blood family and friends. I've started this blog as a place where I can chronicle the work that the Lord is doing in my life and in my heart... And as much as possible, to chronicle the adventures that my Father is placing me in the midst of in order to learn these lessons.
So here I am, sitting in the basement of a family that I do not know, in pleasant grove, Utah. I can just barely process all that the Lord is trying to teach me. As a means of catch up, I am on a missions trip with the school to Utah. We left for this journey just 8 days ago and it has been hard.. but nothing short of amazing the entire way.
To understand where I am on this trip, and where I am in my walk with the Lord in general, let me delve into where the Lord has brought me this last yar and a half. I am in my third semester at Calvary Chapel Bible College, and it has been the most incredible time in my life. If I were to attempt to log even half of what the Lord has taught me since I have been here, then tonight would not contain the hours it would take to embark upon this venture.
However, I do want to take jut a few moments to capture the main themes of the semesters that God has been impressing on me.
First semester, (Feb 2006), God had to break me of everything that I have held onto so tightly for so long. Through so much time in prayer, specifically with Shane, God brought me to the point where I was willing to surrender not only the possessions that I have held in so high of a regard, but also the people that I love the most. Nothing had been so hard as coming to the oint where I was going to completely trust the Lord with the livesof the two people that meant the most to me.(Mary & Kelly)
Something I also should have learned, and did to some extent was unconditional love. The Lord will obviously need to constantly be working on in my heart. But He was teaching me about how to stand by my brother no matter what happened, no matter how much it hurt, and no matter how bad he didn't want me to. And through this, God granted me a brother that has done nothing short of change my life.
I ended up staying over that summer break to work security, which gave me an opprotunity to really develope a constant and unwavoring devotional life because of the amazing influence of brothers like Dan Ruiz. I also came to know Emma, who was and has continued to be one of the most godly women I have ever met. As I said before, I cannot begin even to chronicle the events and lessons that I have learned in this short time from these individuals so I will continue on to my last semester.
Second semester was by far the hardest time I have ever faced in my life. My 'frieds' from Colorado came out this semester. Daniel, Laurie, Zac and Erin. I had put so much stake in them coming... What happened ended up being nothing that I expected. I really didn't become to close to them at all, but rather came to know the closest friend I have ever known. All semest I hung out with Patrick, Brenton, and Emma. This group of friends brought more growth, more failure and more pain than I could have ever imagined for the semester.
Patrick and I became so close... Getting to know each other and really being Galations 6:2 and bearing each others burdens. Getting to know him, the Lord has taught me what it is to love someone to the point where I wouldn't hesitate to die for him. In reality... I grew to love Pat in the way that God desires for me to love Him; the way that He and only He deserves to be loved. Unfortunately, the times and love I had with and for him brought the relationship to the point where it was an idol in my life... An object that was receiving love that belongs to my Jesus. It was so hard, and it broke my heart more than it has ever broke as our friendship that brought me closer to the Lordthan ever before came to the point that it was no longer edifying in any sense. The friendship had to be broken off at points so that my heart could be corrected and the main theme of last semester could be manifested in my life. This is that the Lord must be my one and only, and that He must be my priority and object of my affection before ANYTHING else.
Well, again, this does not even penetrate the surface of that which happened last semester. But to continue, I stayed again over break... and things between Pat and I grew ever steadily worse as we came to the point that we never prayer or spent time in the word together anymore. And I was left to face the statement by Emma earlier on in the semester that, "If a friendship isn't edifying, it has no place existing." This was so hard, but so necessary for me to learn.
That brings me to this semester. So far I don't think there has been a point where there has been joy at all. First of all, I have missed Pat and not ceased to fear for him as he has returned home skipping a semester. It has been hard as I worry for my friend, but yet the Lord has taught me so much about the importance of unceasing prayer.
This semesters theme has without a doubt been falling in love with my Lord. What is it? and what does it look like? Well, these are a few things that I will in time explain as I am learning as I continue to write in this blog.
Heh... I will write tomorrow that which God has shown me thus far on this trip... But I'm far to tired, and I don't want to leave out anything that needs to be journaled. So until then, thank you for reading so far, and God bless you all!
-Because of His Grace
Dave-
So here I am, sitting in the basement of a family that I do not know, in pleasant grove, Utah. I can just barely process all that the Lord is trying to teach me. As a means of catch up, I am on a missions trip with the school to Utah. We left for this journey just 8 days ago and it has been hard.. but nothing short of amazing the entire way.
To understand where I am on this trip, and where I am in my walk with the Lord in general, let me delve into where the Lord has brought me this last yar and a half. I am in my third semester at Calvary Chapel Bible College, and it has been the most incredible time in my life. If I were to attempt to log even half of what the Lord has taught me since I have been here, then tonight would not contain the hours it would take to embark upon this venture.
However, I do want to take jut a few moments to capture the main themes of the semesters that God has been impressing on me.
First semester, (Feb 2006), God had to break me of everything that I have held onto so tightly for so long. Through so much time in prayer, specifically with Shane, God brought me to the point where I was willing to surrender not only the possessions that I have held in so high of a regard, but also the people that I love the most. Nothing had been so hard as coming to the oint where I was going to completely trust the Lord with the livesof the two people that meant the most to me.(Mary & Kelly)
Something I also should have learned, and did to some extent was unconditional love. The Lord will obviously need to constantly be working on in my heart. But He was teaching me about how to stand by my brother no matter what happened, no matter how much it hurt, and no matter how bad he didn't want me to. And through this, God granted me a brother that has done nothing short of change my life.
I ended up staying over that summer break to work security, which gave me an opprotunity to really develope a constant and unwavoring devotional life because of the amazing influence of brothers like Dan Ruiz. I also came to know Emma, who was and has continued to be one of the most godly women I have ever met. As I said before, I cannot begin even to chronicle the events and lessons that I have learned in this short time from these individuals so I will continue on to my last semester.
Second semester was by far the hardest time I have ever faced in my life. My 'frieds' from Colorado came out this semester. Daniel, Laurie, Zac and Erin. I had put so much stake in them coming... What happened ended up being nothing that I expected. I really didn't become to close to them at all, but rather came to know the closest friend I have ever known. All semest I hung out with Patrick, Brenton, and Emma. This group of friends brought more growth, more failure and more pain than I could have ever imagined for the semester.
Patrick and I became so close... Getting to know each other and really being Galations 6:2 and bearing each others burdens. Getting to know him, the Lord has taught me what it is to love someone to the point where I wouldn't hesitate to die for him. In reality... I grew to love Pat in the way that God desires for me to love Him; the way that He and only He deserves to be loved. Unfortunately, the times and love I had with and for him brought the relationship to the point where it was an idol in my life... An object that was receiving love that belongs to my Jesus. It was so hard, and it broke my heart more than it has ever broke as our friendship that brought me closer to the Lordthan ever before came to the point that it was no longer edifying in any sense. The friendship had to be broken off at points so that my heart could be corrected and the main theme of last semester could be manifested in my life. This is that the Lord must be my one and only, and that He must be my priority and object of my affection before ANYTHING else.
Well, again, this does not even penetrate the surface of that which happened last semester. But to continue, I stayed again over break... and things between Pat and I grew ever steadily worse as we came to the point that we never prayer or spent time in the word together anymore. And I was left to face the statement by Emma earlier on in the semester that, "If a friendship isn't edifying, it has no place existing." This was so hard, but so necessary for me to learn.
That brings me to this semester. So far I don't think there has been a point where there has been joy at all. First of all, I have missed Pat and not ceased to fear for him as he has returned home skipping a semester. It has been hard as I worry for my friend, but yet the Lord has taught me so much about the importance of unceasing prayer.
This semesters theme has without a doubt been falling in love with my Lord. What is it? and what does it look like? Well, these are a few things that I will in time explain as I am learning as I continue to write in this blog.
Heh... I will write tomorrow that which God has shown me thus far on this trip... But I'm far to tired, and I don't want to leave out anything that needs to be journaled. So until then, thank you for reading so far, and God bless you all!
-Because of His Grace
Dave-
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